i'm writing again. i am.

and so far it only [kinda] sucks.

yes.

Its been a good past couple of days.

Wednesday: Dinner at home with just Dad and watching the Phillies game.
Thursday: 500 Days of Summer with John and hot tub at Alex's.
Friday: Pasta, ice cream cake, Yuengling and Highschool Musical with Jon Stone.

In other news, I bought a classy pencil skirt today. It makes me feel like a sexy librarian; you know, a librarian like they always describe in those mystery novels with really coy titles. [giggle]. I also bought a lovely bohemian shirt that makes me feel exotic and a delicious pink, blue and black plaid scarf that screams "hello, i'm artsy."

I also plan on incorporating a character who is obsessed with champagne colored furniture into my next short story. Just thought you'd like to know.

i want to write. i need to write. i have a million ideas for a story swarming around in my head but none of them make sense.

i'm afraid to write. what if i write what's swarming around in my head and once its on paper i hate it?

i need to conquer this. i'll never get better if i don't write.

i need to write.

the time is 1:52am. i am alone in the house, the family returns tomorrow after being away for the week. the house keeps making weird noises, so i am writing to get my mind off of being freaked out.
relationships have been on my mind a lot lately. often this can be a frustrating, stressful, annoying, bothersome [insert multiple more adjectives that i don't feel like typing right now] subject to mull over. but lately, its been quite the contrary.
a thought struck me a bit ago that i've never really thought about. so often, i get caught up in what i want in a guy. "what's my ideal man?" i ask myself. its a good thing to think about - its healthy and wise to know what i hope for in a boy someday. but something i also need to think about is what am i doing to make sure i am the girl that will be for that boy someday? am i doing my part in growing to be the godly young woman that i need to be? i want a godly boy, someone who loves the Lord more than anything else - so am i making sure i am the kind of girl he would want?
i'm happy where i am right now. i'm ok with not having a boyfriend. i'm ok with a random date here or there, and having lots of friends [both boys and girls]. i am enjoying the independence. but i know someday i want a boy of my very own. one boy to cook fun organic food for. one boy to fold his socks for and iron his shirts. one boy to watch baseball with and sing corny songs with the windows down. one boy to read the Bible with and to pray on our knees. one boy to raise a family of little ones with. one boy to cry with, to laugh with, to make memories with. one boy of my very own to be right by his side.
i can't wait for that day. but until then, i am happy, i am content. i know God's timing is perfect, and until that perfect time, i will seek to become that girl for that one boy.

[someday, i'll be that girl.]